Dealing with Feelings of Loneliness as a New Dad
Traditionally, once couples have children, moms raise them, and dads are the practical helpers. Kids run to mom to solve their problems, and give out the bandaids and hugs. Whereas dads find themselves teaching their kids how to ride a bike but that doesn’t always equate to fatherhood.
The mom and dad roles start forming even before a child is born. New moms busy themselves buying all the clothes, washing them, hanging them, and picking the perfect ‘bringing home the baby’ outfit. Dads are putting the cribs together (that their partner probably picked out), and perhaps even painting the baby’s room (with the color his partner has chosen).
Moms start forming a bond with their child during the pregnancy, while dads often feel as if they’re on the outside looking in, just waiting for this little human to arrive. But then the child arrives, and a new dad doesn’t always know exactly where he fits into this new family. Not knowing where he fits in, along with the strong belief dads aren’t really there to raise kids but rather provide for them, can bring on a feeling of fatherhood isolation.
Feelings of Isolation After Becoming a Father
Kids and their moms form strong bonds with one another. Mom carried these kids inside her, grew them, nurtured them, and birthed them. Often, they also breastfeed, creating yet an even stronger bond that a father will never be able to experience. It’s no wonder fathers often feel like they’re just watching and not truly a part of this new family situation.
Watching commercials, movies, and television shows – even in this day and age – fathers are often the characters that come home after work, say some funny stuff, while mom is juggling work, dinner, homework, and raising kids. Moms and kids are a unit; a team; and, fathers are…..expected to step-in to “help out” but aren’t really an integral part of the team.
Fathers never really feel like their bond with their kids is as important as the bond moms have with their kids, and that tends to create a feeling of isolation.
How to Deal With New Dad Loneliness
Many new dads want to break out of the traditional role of being the “breadwinner dad” who isn’t allowed to nurture and raise his kids. Outdated expectations dictate men need to just deal with feeling like an outsider in his own home after becoming a father. They aren’t supposed to talk about wanting to do more than just change a diaper when mom “needs a break”. New dad loneliness isn’t seen as something real, but it is. In order to deal with it, you have to speak up and talk to your partner about it.
This may surprise new fathers, but new moms welcome a partner’s desire to raise and care for these little humans both of you brought into the world. There’s no need to be emotionally stoic and act like it doesn’t upset you that mom has taken over all aspects of raising and nurturing the kids.
If a new dad’s feeling left out and wants to be an actual parent, and not just the one who taps in when mom is ready to scream and pull her hair out in frustration, talk about it with your partner as soon as possible.
If You’re Feeling Isolated After Becoming a Dad
Is your partner under a ton of pressure and isn’t open to hearing about how isolated you’re feeling in your own family? It’s normal. If this is happening, reach out to a professional. You can talk about these feelings of isolation, as well as learn how to talk to your partner in the most effective way. Perhaps bring up the idea of going to counseling together to work through these feelings of isolation, and parenting roles. You’re a father, and you deserve to be an integral part of your child’s formative years. You should be a partner in parenting!
Pingback:Workplace Stress Management for Men | TherapyWorks: Texas