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Is Your Guy Stressed Out? That May Be Your Best Way To Talk To Him About His Mental Health

So much of what is talked about online related to mental health focuses on women, children and families. Men are often not addressed in mental health discussions and we could argue about the various reasons why. There are a lot of stereotypes at the root of this, including:

  • Beliefs like “men are tough” and “should be able to handle things” 
  • The privileges men experience cause them to have “less need” for mental health research or services
  • Men don’t ask for help, therefore it must not be needed
  • Men shouldn’t talk about their feelings, it’s a sign of weakness
  • Men’s responsibilities including providing for their families regardless of the toll it takes on them

So much of this list is absolute bunk. Yet, even with cultural changes that have taken place in the past few years, stereotypes like these still exist. And men who fall prey to them struggle immensely with mental health challenges. Stereotypes like these also keep the door closed for many men when it comes to healing services like therapy or counseling. 

Why It’s So Hard For Some Men To Go To Counseling

Feeling like it’s a weakness to call a therapist is one of the many reasons why going to therapy is such a big undertaking for some people. The truth is, when the bar is too high to ask for help, fewer people are able to take advantage of the support that is out there. 

So to help men, and people who are stuck in beliefs like those listed above, we have to lower the bar. That is one way to make therapy more accessible to people who believe it’s a weakness to seek it out. 

Because many men experience work-related stress as a starting point for deeper mental health issues like depression and anxiety, stress can be an easier way to start the conversation. Research also supports that stress is different for men and women so being prepared to talk to men about stress in their language is helpful. 

Workplace stress is a seed from which other, more challenging issues, manifest from. If men are more open to talking about stress versus depression or anxiety, it may very well be a good place to start.

For example, a man with a frustrating relationship with his boss or manager may feel unfulfilled at work and question why he’s working for that organization. 

A man who is routinely passed over for promotions, may doubt his intelligence, skills or value.  

And a man who is compelled to work overtime, weekend and long hours out of fear of losing his job may feel trapped and incapable of being in control of his own destiny.

To be fair, issues like these are not gender specific, but they are more common to “stereotypical men” who believe that talking about their “mental health” is deeply uncomfortable and unmanly.

All of these issues can affect a man’s self-esteem and sense of well-being. If you have a guy like this in your life, talking about stress is very likely, the easiest place to begin. 

Recognizing The Signs Of Work-Related Stress

Before we can work on resolving work-related stress, we need to understand how it shows up in a person’s life. Work stress can show up in physical ways and emotional ways. A stressed out man may:

  • Have headaches or other tension in his body
  • Experience fatigue, difficulty sleeping or want to sleep all the time
  • Appear constantly irritable, have a short fuse, little patience or tolerance for others
  • Become distant from the people he loves – emotionally or physically
  • Seek out distractions on a regular basis – drinking/marijuana, video games, sex, being super social… anything to not feel what’s going on inside
  • Isolate and want to constantly be alone

As someone who loves a guy with these kinds of challenges, these signs are places to begin a conversation. Seeing your guy sad, frustrated, not himself or doing something that changes his core self is a problem. It’s hard to witness and it’s hard to know what to do about it. Some men are open to discussing what’s going on, others need a less direct approach so they can retain some of their control over what’s happening inside of them.

Tips for Stress Management

Seeing stress on someone you love isn’t easy. And too often, loved ones are on the receiving end of the stressful output. This is the place to begin. Stress messes with mental health, which can also contribute to everything from chronic illnesses like diabetes and heart health, to behavioral challenges like addiction and infidelity to genuine mental health issues like depression and anxiety. 

No one wants to suffer for a paycheck, and a promotion. No workplace stress is worth putting mental and physical health in jeopardy.

Generally speaking, stress is part of life, and can arise at any moment. Thankfully, when you or the guy in your life is overwhelmed in the stressful moment, there are quick ways to reduce the pressure in the moment:

  • Breathe deeply. Even if you’re sitting at your desk, take a few minutes to concentrate on taking a slow deep breath in and then slowly blowing the air back out. In through your nose, out through your mouth.
  • Relax your shoulders and even roll your head in circles to relieve some of the tension in your shoulders and neck.
  • Take a break. Get up from your desk, or step away from your workstation. If you work for a strict employer, take a bathroom break even if you don’t need to use the facilities. Just find a way to step away from the work.
  • Slow down. The more stressed we get, the faster we try to push through the work that’s making us feel frazzled and frustrated. Instead, after you’ve stepped away and taken a beak, return to the work/situation/task and go at a slower pace as you finish it.
  • Jog in place. Even if you hate exercise, the simple act of jogging will get your blood pumping and help alleviate stress from your body.

However, to reduce workplace stress for the long-term, sometimes the only way out is to make a change at work. That isn’t always an option and when it isn’t, then you can start to practice a few techniques to make things a little better even if you have to endure the stressful environment a little longer.

Reduce Workplace Stress

When leaving your stressful workplace behind isn’t an option, there are ways you can work on reducing workplace stress for yourself. Give these practical stress reduction strategies a try.

Learn How To Say No!

Boundaries are neglected so often when someone believes they just have to “get it done” or do something for someone else. As a therapist I can tell you that learning how to say NO is a game-changer. It doesn’t have to be rude or harsh, you can simply practice with phrases like “no thank you” or “not now” or “I have to decline”. However you do it, self-care begins when you start loving yourself as much as others do. Boundaries are one way people reinforce their worth, so a little “no” can go a very long way.

Find things you really enjoy doing and do it.

There is wisdom to be found in doing things you love. It can be a hobby, going to church, taking a hike, going fishing, walking your dog or anything that gives you a break from your day to day stress. These activities may seem small but they are powerful in how much they can help lift your mood and get you out of a stressful moment.

Use your vacation days!

Don’t be a hero and work yourself tirelessly day-in and day-out. Your vacation days are important to take, and you deserve them. If you get a week, take it. If you are entitled to more vacation days, TAKE THEM.

Disengage on Days Off.

When you have weekends off, or you are away on vacation, don’t check emails or answer work calls. Disengage. Your mind and body needs time away from work, and work-related nonsense.

Work-life balance.

Find ways to balance your work hours, whatever they may be, with your life outside of work. Find hobbies to participate in, or spend quality time with loved ones (friends, family, pets).

Helping Men With Stress Management Often Requires a Little Help from a Professional

Life is filled with challenges. Challenges can cause healthy stress when something is new or exciting, but more often than not, it causes harmful stress that overtime can affect your whole life. The goal when you see someone facing stress that is causing them to feel anxious or depressed (or worse) is to address it right away. No one needs to suffer in silence, and whether you’re reading this as a guy with lots of stress or you love a man who seems overly stressed out, you can do something to help.

Therapy is always an option. And while lots of guys are willing to talk about stress, often talking about the harder stuff is well, a little harder. Spend some time really thinking about how much of the stress you’re seeing is manageable or not. And if the situation appears to be getting worse, I would encourage you to have an open conversation about what you’re seeing and your concerns. Your willingness to be vulnerable can help someone see how deeply you care and that alone can be enough for him to take you seriously.

And if you are in Texas and looking for help, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I am happy to see you in person in my Houston office or virtually across the state.

Updated 12/4/24

author avatar
Stefanie Kuhn, LMFT Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
As a relationship expert, I work with individuals and couples who are going through difficult times, experiencing conflict in their relationship, or feeling stuck and unsure about how to handle the issues in their lives. I have openings in my practice and can see clients virtually across Texas or in person in Houston and the Clear Lake area. Please contact me to see if we're a good fit.

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