Affair Recovery Counseling

People having an affair, or those who have been hurt by an affair go through a range of emotions, oftentimes alone. Whether physical infidelity or an emotional affair, emotions run the gamut from shock and anger to shame, guilt, humiliation and grief. There is worry and fear of being judged by family or friends, and the intense emotions can destabilize and overwhelm even those who consider themselves strong and capable.

You Are Not Alone

The percentage of partners who engage in infidelity and affairs range from study to study but they fall somewhere between 20% to 70%. You are not alone.

• According to the General Social Survey (GSS) conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, about 20% of married men and 13% of married women have indulged in infidelity.
• The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy reports that infidelity occurs in about 15% to 25% of marriages.
• A study published in the “Journal of Marriage and Family” found that infidelity was cited as a major factor in 21.6% of divorce cases.
• The “Journal of Sex Research” has indicated that approximately 70% of all Americans engage in some form of infidelity during their marital life.
• Data from the Kinsey Institute suggests that younger couples are more likely to report infidelity, with rates decreasing as couples age.

These statistics reveal the varying prevalence of infidelity and underscore its impact on marriages and committed relationships. It’s important to note that methods of data collection and definitions of infidelity vary, contributing to the range of reported statistics.

Common Reasons For Infidelity

There Are Three Primary Kinds Of Affairs

Physical Affairs

Physical affairs involve sexual interactions with someone outside the committed relationship. These affairs are often what people first think of when they hear the word “infidelity.” The physical act can range from one-time occurrences to ongoing sexual relationships. The betrayal causes significant emotional pain and puts enormous strain on the relationship.

Emotional Affairs

Emotional affairs occur when one partner forms a deep emotional attachment with someone outside the relationship, without necessarily involving physical intimacy. These affairs can be just as damaging as physical affairs, as they imply a significant portion of the individual’s emotional energy and intimacy is being diverted away from the primary relationship. Emotional affairs often start as friendships and gradually evolve into something more, making them harder to recognize and address.

Ongoing Affairs

Ongoing affairs refer to long-term relationships outside the committed partnership that include either emotional or physical intimacy, or both. These affairs can last for months or even years, creating a parallel relationship that deeply undermines the primary partnership. Ongoing affairs often involve significant deceit and lead to a profound breach of trust that can be particularly challenging to mend.

Each type of affair poses unique challenges to a relationship, highlighting the importance of communication, boundaries, and mutual respect in maintaining the integrity of a partnership.

In My Practice, I Treat Both The Person Who Had The Affair, The Person Betrayed & Couples Who Want To Recover From Infidelity

The truth is, there are many reasons why a relationship is vulnerable to an affair. Whether this is ongoing or it happened long in the past, if you’re still struggling with the after effects of the affair, I can help you.

If You’re the Partner Who was Betrayed, How can Therapy Help You?

As a therapist, what I genuinely understand is that the depth of the pain you’re going through right now is probably more than you’ve ever experienced in your life. Being betrayed by someone you love is heartbreaking. There are many reasons underneath your partner’s affair that can be addressed in therapy so you can find the healing you need. 

Affair recovery can happen either through individual counseling or together with your partner. I offer both services. Even if you’re not quite ready to be in therapy with your partner, we can add that to our working relationship down the road. 

Healing from betrayal is a journey. What I know is that the sooner you start therapy, the sooner you will start to feel in control of your life again.

If You’re the Partner Having the Affair, How can Therapy Help You?

As much as people often want to blame the person who had the affair, what we discover in therapy is that the vulnerability in the relationship that allowed the affair to happen often existed long before the act. That is not to place blame on the relationship, but rather to address the elephant in the room which is why was an affair even possible in the first place?

How Couples Therapy Can Help You After The Affair

Couples therapy offers a pathway to healing and strengthening a relationship after an affair, focusing on rebuilding trust, fostering emotional intimacy, and connection. Therapists provide a neutral, supportive environment where both partners can express their feelings, fears, and desires openly.

It’s also a very safe space to make sense of why the affair happened in the first place. Exploring “why” your partner cheated (or you cheated) is a very good topic to explore in the security of the therapy room. Getting to the heart of this question is a challenge for everyone and a therapist can help you navigate this difficult discussion so everyone’s needs are honored and voices are heard.

Importantly, couples therapy offers strategies for re-establishing confidence in one another — a critical component for a relationship’s recovery and future resilience. By committing to the process, partners can navigate the complexities of forgiveness, learn from the experience, and work together towards a shared future.

Rebuilding Your Emotional Intimacy

Rebuilding emotional intimacy after an affair is crucial for a relationship’s recovery. This involves creating a safe space where both partners feel heard and valued. Addressing the trust that has been eroded is important so you start to feel safe with each other again. 

Eventually, this can lead to forgiveness which is the goal of many clients. We work on this as a team by focusing on rebuilding trust and creating a new, healthier relationship overtime.

Re-establishing this kind of emotional intimacy requires patience and consistent effort from both partners—it’s about growing closer through shared experiences, empathy, and intentional acts of love and affirmation. As emotional intimacy is rebuilt, couples often find their connection becomes stronger, more profound, trustworthy and adaptable than before.

Can You Affair Proof Your Marriage/Partnership For The Future?

How Does Infidelity Counseling Work?

Infidelity counseling isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach and requires an open and honest dialogue. Working towards trust and healing means understanding why the affair occurred. Affair counseling can be therapeutic and is not a linear process or path. A therapist who can help ask the right questions and offer a safe place to process is essential so you won’t be re-traumatized.

Understand What Happened

As the hurt spouse, try to understand that betrayal is an act that does not define you or your value as a partner, a person, a parent, a member of the community, or your value to society.

Begin the Healing Process

The healing process starts as you process the trauma and emotions from the affair, and you work through what happened.

Relearn How to Trust

Rebuilding trust isn’t easy but trust is rebuilt when you start to feel that progress, to some extent, has been made.

It is necessary to work through an affair as a couple, especially when you want to work toward a more fulfilling relationship with your partner. It helps you both get what you need from each other. But, infidelity counseling can also be helpful as an individual when you’re looking to heal from infidelity or you’re trying to figure out how you got to a place where you had an affair.

Couples Counseling

Couples counseling provides a space for partners to explore their relationship dynamics, communicate openly, and address conflicts under the guidance of a professional. It’s particularly effective in helping couples understand each other’s point of view, strengthen their bond, and develop healthier ways of relating to one another.

By focusing on resolving issues and rebuilding trust, couples counseling can lead to deeper intimacy and a more satisfying relationship. It’s a proactive step towards addressing not only the current challenges but also equipping the partnership with the tools needed for future resilience.

Individual Counseling

Individual counseling offers a confidential and supportive environment for people to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s beneficial for addressing personal mental health concerns, such as anxiety, depression, or the aftermath of an affair.

Through individual therapy, a person can gain insights into their patterns, work through emotional pain, and develop coping strategies. This process of self-exploration and healing can significantly impact the individual’s well-being and, by extension, improve their ability to contribute positively to their relationships. It’s an essential resource for anyone looking to foster personal growth and navigate life’s challenges more effectively.

Addressing Mental Health Concerns

Addressing mental health concerns is crucial for maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships and overall well-being. Mental health issues can strain partnerships, affecting communication, intimacy, and the ability to handle conflicts. Proactively seeking help through counseling, whether individually or as a couple, can mitigate these effects.

It allows for the exploration of underlying issues, the learning of new coping mechanisms, and the enhancement of emotional resilience. Recognizing and addressing mental health concerns early creates a path to recovery and growth, fostering stronger and more supportive relationships.

Affair Recovery Counseling FAQs