Not having sex in a relationship can become a serious issue if even one partner feels unfulfilled or that their needs are not being met. Intimacy is vital for most couples, and while it’s natural for sexual frequency to ebb and flow, a complete lack of intimacy can signal deeper problems.
In my therapy practice, I have seen are that there are three main reasons why couples stop having sex:
- Communication Gaps: Mismatched libidos and unspoken frustrations often lead to disconnection.
- Emotional or Physical Barriers: Mental health challenges, low self-esteem, or sexual dysfunction can reduce desire.
- Life Stressors: Exhaustion, parenting, and routine can take a toll on intimacy.
If physical intimacy matters to either you or your partner, ignoring the issue can lead to resentment and conflict. But there’s hope—open communication, shared effort, and professional support can help you rebuild your sex life and create a connection that’s fulfilling to you both.
Therapy helps. I offer free consultation for all prospective clients, feel free to schedule time with me to see how we can get your sex life back on track.
Below you’ll find a more comprehensive answer for why couples stop having sex. Read on for insights, solutions, and how to reignite intimacy in your relationship.
So Let’s Look At Why Intimacy Drops Off In Relationships
Intimacy is a vital part of many relationships, yet it’s natural for sexual frequency to ebb and flow over time. But what happens when sex seems to disappear entirely? For individuals or couples experiencing this, the lack of physical connection can be deeply concerning. Why do couples stop having sex? And, more importantly, how can they reconnect?
If you’re looking for reassurance, answers, and actionable advice or simply want to understand your own relationship better I can help. As a couples therapist, helping clients understand the various many reasons why couples stop having sex is a critical part of my job. Once we get to the heart of it, I can help you figure out how to nurture intimacy again.
My Take On Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex
Couples stop having sex for a variety of reasons, ranging from mismatched libidos to feeling emotionally disconnected. Often, it’s not just one issue but a combination of physical, mental, and environmental factors that create a gap in intimacy. Identifying these underlying causes is the first step toward rekindling the connection.
Here are the top 6 that get in the way of a more active sex life:
#1 Mismatched Libidos (AKA When One Person Wants More Sex Than The Other)
Every person has a unique sex drive, and differences in libidos between partners can lead to frustration or misunderstandings. When one partner desires sex more or less often than the other, it can create tension and cause stress. Because sex is a litmus test for many people around how desirable they are, how healthy the relationship is and how connected they feel it has a huge impact on a relationship
#2 Underlying Mental Health Challenges that Interfere With Libido
Anything that takes away from your energy can rob you of your desire for sex. In the mental health space, anxiety, depression, and unresolved trauma are the big three that cause riffs in your sex drive. Each can lower your libido, alter your self-perception, and make intimacy feel overwhelming or undesirable.
#3 Sexual Dysfunction
Medical issues, such as erectile dysfunction or hormone imbalances, can also interfere with a couple’s sex life. Unfortunately, these problems often go unspoken due to embarrassment, creating misunderstandings or distance between a couple. It’s important to address these challenges so they don’t stop you from being close to one another. After all, there are many ways couples can connect, sex is just one and with a little creativity, even couples with sexual dysfunction can have pleasurable lives together.
#4 Lack of Trust or Psychological Safety
Trust is the foundation of emotional and physical intimacy. If there has been a breach of trust—such as infidelity or dishonesty—it can hinder physical connection. Rebuilding trust takes time, effort, and often professional guidance, but it’s essential for restoring intimacy.
#5 Boredom
As silly as it may sound, having the same kind of sex all the time can become boring. Over time, a once-passionate relationship can settle into routine and predictability, which often leads to boredom in the bedroom. You can solve this challenge by exploring new experiences together, both inside and outside the bedroom, to keep the relationship feeling fresh and exciting.
#6 Exhaustion
Work pressures, raising children, and overall life responsibilities can leave couples feeling too tired for intimacy. When exhaustion takes over, prioritizing rest and self-care becomes essential. Scheduling time for intimacy, even if it feels unromantic, can help bridge the gap.
What Happens When a Couple Stops Sleeping Together?
When couples stop having regular sex, it can have ripple effects on the relationship. Partners may begin to feel disconnected, leading to emotional isolation and resentment. Sometimes, the lack of physical connection can even contribute to feelings of insecurity or a loss of self-esteem.
While intimacy isn’t the only measure of love, it is an important part of many relationships. Couples who address their issues and work on rebuilding intimacy often report a stronger emotional bond.
What to Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Be Intimate With You
When one partner loses interest in intimacy, the other can feel rejected and confused. It’s important to approach this challenge with compassion when you can, even if you’re frustrated. Sex doesn’t just “return” to a relationship if there are legitimate issues behind the drop off. Exploring what has happened is key to getting your sex life back on track.
Three ways to begin include:
- Communicating openly about your feelings and what you desire from your partner related to sex and intimacy.
- Make time in your life to have sex – and often going back to the basics helps. Spend time together, go on dates, touch each other on a regular basis without it being about sex.
- Find a way to talk about your differences and seek out therapy when you’re stuck.
When your sex life has been put on the back-burner for some time, it can take little more than wishful thinking to reignite it. If your communication is challenged because you’re frustrated by either the lack of sex or the constant request for sex, this is a very big sign that it’s time for therapy.
The value of a therapist is to help you both understand each other’s needs so you can address any underlying issues and rebuild your connection in a safe and supportive environment. If this is of interest to you, let’s talk. I offer a complimentary consultation to all prospective couples.
Is There a Normal Age When Couples Stop Having Sex?
There’s no universal age when couples stop being intimate. Sexual activity varies greatly between relationships, and age is only one factor. Many couples enjoy active sex lives well into their senior years, provided they are physically healthy and remain emotionally connected.
The key is this: intimacy doesn’t end unless couples stop prioritizing it. Even if the form of intimacy evolves over time, its presence can remain a crucial part of a healthy relationship.
Can a Relationship Survive Without Sex?
Yes, some relationships can thrive without sex, provided both partners agree on their needs and expectations. For example, asexual couples or those who prioritize emotional intimacy over physical intimacy may feel deeply satisfied without regular sex.
However, for relationships where sex is a valued component, a lack of intimacy will cause tension. Sex definitely ebbs and flows with many factors (work, stress, parenting, health etc) but a completely sexless relationship when couples value intimacy is a recipe for conflict. If you or your partner want sex and you’re not having it, this too is a very big sign that it’s time to get some help. Couples counseling can make all the difference in restoring connection.
How Couples Therapy Can Help You Become Intimate Again
Couples therapy will give you a safe space to address your concerns. I can help you explore and resolve unspoken conflicts, discover emotional barriers, and build a stronger, more intimate bond.
If you’re struggling with a lack of intimacy in your relationship, remember that you’re not alone—and there’s hope. I can help you address the challenges with honesty, patience, and vulnerability.
And if the task feels daunting, don’t hesitate to reach out. I offer a complimentary consultation to all prospective clients. Together, we can work on gaining a better understanding of each other and rekindling your connection in meaningful ways.
