Friendships are some of the most vital yet often overlooked relationships in our lives. While romantic and familial bonds are widely discussed, the friendships we cultivate—especially with those of the same gender—hold immense power in shaping our emotional and mental well-being.
Yet, forming and maintaining our same-sex friendships as adults can be difficult. With increasing societal demands, shifting life priorities, and the rise of digital interactions, many people struggle to create and sustain meaningful connections.
The loneliness epidemic in the U.S. is a testament to this reality. A narrow majority of adults (53%) say they have between one and four close friends, while a significant share (38%) say they have five or more. Some 8% say they have no close friends. As we navigate the complexities of modern relationships, understanding the importance of same-sex friendships and learning how to foster them is more crucial than ever.
Whether you’re looking to deepen existing friendships, build new connections, or process the grief of a lost friendship, exploring why same-sex friendships matter will help you navigate one of life’s most essential relationships.
The Quiet Importance Of Same-Sex Friendships
Have you ever looked around and realized you don’t have the kind of friendships you once did? Or maybe you’ve felt a nagging loneliness, even when surrounded by people? You’re not alone.
Loneliness is an epidemic in the U.S., with a 2023 report from the U.S. Surgeon General identifying it as a public health crisis, linked to increased risks of heart disease, dementia, and premature death. As we age, maintaining deep friendships—especially same-sex friendships—can become more difficult. We lose friends to distance, life changes, and even death. And yet, these relationships play a crucial role in our mental and emotional well-being.
Why Same-Sex Friendships Are Essential
Friendships with people of the same gender often provide a special type of emotional support. You’ve probably had the same realizations—same-sex friendships tend to be deeply validating, helping us process emotions, reduce stress, and create a sense of belonging.
For men, friendships often revolve around shared activities—watching sports, playing golf, or working on projects together. There’s often a comfort in companionship without the need for deep conversations. Women’s friendships, on the other hand, tend to be more emotionally expressive, offering a space for vulnerability, encouragement, and processing life’s challenges.
While these are broad generalizations, they help highlight why these friendships feel so vital and irreplaceable.
- Emotional Resilience: Same-sex friendships provide a strong support system, helping us process emotions and navigate life’s challenges.
- Stress Reduction: Having close friends can lower cortisol levels and reduce anxiety.
- Physical Health Benefits: Studies show that strong friendships lower the risk of depression, boost life expectancy, and enhance overall happiness.
- Sense of Belonging: Friendships create a feeling of connection, reducing social isolation and loneliness.
The Science Of Friendship
Friendships, of course, mean socializing and having fun, but they’re also essential to brain function and mental well-being. Studies have shown that friendships trigger the release of oxytocin, also known as the “bonding hormone,” which strengthens emotional resilience and reduces stress. Additionally, the presence of close friendships help us lower our cortisol levels, which in turn, helps us manage anxiety and depression.
Cultural Differences in Same-Sex Friendships
Different cultures shape the way we form and maintain friendships. In Western societies, friendships tend to be more individualistic and based on personal interests, whereas in collectivist cultures, friendships are often interwoven with family and community life.
For example, in many Latin American and Middle Eastern cultures, same-sex friendships are deeply affectionate and involve more physical closeness than is typical in Western friendships. Recognizing these cultural nuances can help us better understand our own friendships and the expectations we place on them.
Social Media and Friendship
Social media has dramatically changed the way we interact with friends, but is it helping or hurting real connection? Research suggests that while digital friendships can provide a sense of belonging, they lack the depth and emotional support of in-person relationships. A study from the University of Pennsylvania found that reducing social media use led to lower levels of loneliness and depression, highlighting the importance of balancing online and offline relationships.
Making & Maintaining Friendships In Adulthood
Making new friends as an adult can feel daunting. We’re no longer in school, where friendships form naturally, and work relationships often stay surface-level. But there are ways to build and maintain these meaningful connections:
- Prioritize Friendship: We make time for what matters. Schedule regular catch-ups, even if it’s just a quick check-in.
- Be Vulnerable: Friendships thrive on authenticity. Be open about your struggles and joys—it helps create deeper connections.
- Find Common Ground: Join a club, take a class, or reconnect with old friends through shared interests.
- Communicate Intentions: If you value someone in your life, say so. Friendships need verbal affirmation just like romantic relationships.
What To Do When You Feel Like You Have No Friends
If you find yourself feeling isolated, here’s how to take steps toward building meaningful connections:
- Start Small: Even casual interactions, like chatting with a barista or a coworker, can help rebuild social confidence.
- Join a Community: Volunteering, joining a hobby group, or attending a class can help meet like-minded people.
- Reconnect with Old Friends: Sometimes, friendships fade not because they’ve ended but because they need rekindling.
- Consider Therapy: If making connections feels overwhelming, a therapist can help navigate social anxiety and loneliness.
Why Friendships End
Friendships often shift over time due to a variety of factors. Life transitions—such as moving to a new city, changing careers, or starting a family—can create distance that makes maintaining close bonds challenging. Sometimes, people simply grow apart as their values, interests, or priorities change, making it harder to relate to one another in the same way.
In some cases, friendships end due to conflict or betrayal, which can be deeply painful. Disagreements, misunderstandings, or a breakdown in trust may lead to a rupture that feels impossible to mend. And sometimes, friendships fade not because of a dramatic event, but due to neglect. A lack of regular communication or effort from either party can slowly dissolve even the strongest connections.
Coping With The Loss
Losing a friendship can be just as painful as the end of a romantic relationship, yet it often goes unrecognized as a legitimate source of grief. Unlike breakups with partners, there is rarely a clear societal script for how to mourn the end of a close friendship. This can make it even harder to process the emotions that come with it.
When a friendship ends, the loss can feel disorienting.
- You might find yourself missing the person at unexpected moments—reaching for the phone to share good news, only to remember they’re no longer part of your life.
- It’s also common to experience a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, nostalgia, or even relief, depending on how and why the friendship ended.
Friendship loss can impact self-esteem and shake your sense of belonging. Since friendships are often a key part of identity and personal history, their loss can feel like losing a piece of yourself. This is why it’s important to actively process these emotions rather than pushing them aside.
It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, or even abandoned
Here’s how to cope:
- Acknowledge the Pain: It’s okay to grieve. Allow yourself to feel the loss.
- Reflect Without Blame: Sometimes friendships end without a clear reason. Instead of blaming yourself or the other person, accept that relationships evolve.
- Seek Support: Talk to other friends, a therapist, or a journal to process your emotions.
- Open Yourself to New Connections: Ending one friendship doesn’t mean you won’t find another. Stay open to meeting new people who align with where you are now.
We Are Here To Help
If you’re struggling with loneliness, the loss of a friendship, or feeling disconnected, you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy can help you navigate these feelings and build the kind of relationships that bring you comfort and joy.
Friendships are vital to our well-being. Whether you’re working to create, maintain, or heal from them, know that support is available. If you’re ready to explore these challenges with guidance, let’s start the conversation together. Reach out today and let’s create some new friendships!
