Have you ever caught yourself second-guessing your own memory? Wondering if the argument really happened the way you remember, or if maybe you were “too sensitive”? That confusing, disorienting feeling is one of the hallmarks of narcissistic abuse. The gaslighting, the subtle digs, and the constant shifting of blame can leave you questioning not only the relationship, but your very sense of self.
I want you to know that you’re not the only one carrying this kind of trauma. These experiences are more common than most people realize and are very real. And while healing from it can feel daunting, it is possible.
The Invisible Weight You’ve Been Carrying
One of the hardest parts of surviving narcissistic abuse is that from the outside, it often looks like nothing is wrong. To friends or family, the person who harmed you might appear charming, successful, or even generous. Meanwhile, you’re left carrying an invisible weight, an exhaustion that seeps into your body, mind, and soul.
We have sat with many clients who say, “I feel like I should be over this by now.” They’re strong, intelligent people, but still wake up replaying old conversations, still feel a rush of panic when they get a text from their ex, still doubt their ability to trust again. That’s what narcissistic abuse does: it lingers long after the relationship ends.
What Narcissistic Abuse Does To Your Mind & Body
Living in a relationship with a narcissist often feels like living in a fog. Over time, you may begin to notice symptoms such as:
- Anxiety and hypervigilance, waiting for the next conflict.
- A deep sense of shame, as if you’re always the problem.
- Difficulty trusting your own perception of reality.
- Physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or digestive issues because trauma doesn’t just stay in the mind, it lodges in the body, too.
Research shows that narcissistic abuse is not only emotionally damaging but also has a profound neurological impact. Survivors often experience changes in brain regions related to memory, fear, and decision-making, which explains why it can feel so hard to simply “move on.”
Why Gaslighting Hurts So Deeply
Gaslighting, the systematic effort to make you doubt your own reality, erodes your sense of safety in the world. It’s not just about one lie here or there. It’s the cumulative impact of being told your feelings are invalid, your memory is faulty, or your concerns are ridiculous. Over time, this strips away confidence, leaving you dependent on the very person who is causing the harm.
I’ve worked with women and men who describe this as the most painful part of the abuse. “I lost the relationship, and I also lost myself,” one client told me. And yet, the truth is: your self is still there; it may feel buried, but it has not disappeared.
Why Healing Feels So Hard
Many of my clients feel frustrated by the slow pace of recovery. They ask, “Why can’t I just let this go?” The truth is, trauma recovery is not a linear process. It takes time to restore what was lost: the ability to trust, the confidence in your own perceptions, and the simple joy of feeling safe in your own skin.
If you’ve ever caught yourself cycling between anger, grief, and numbness, please know this is normal. Trauma healing doesn’t move in straight lines. It spirals. Some days you’ll feel strong and hopeful. Other days, you may feel like you’re back at square one. Both are part of the process.
Steps Toward Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
Healing can feel like a mountain to climb. But it begins with small, steady steps:
1. Name what happened. Acknowledge that what you experienced was narcissistic abuse. This clarity helps to break through denial and the self-blame cycle. You are not “crazy” for feeling the way you do.
2. Reconnect with your body. Trauma often disconnects us from ourselves. Practices like grounding exercises, yoga, and breathwork can begin to restore a sense of calm and safety. Even something as simple as feeling your feet firmly on the ground and taking three slow breaths can help you return to the present moment.
3. Rebuild your inner voice. Journaling, affirmations, or even simply practicing saying, “My feelings are real, my perspective matters” can help counteract the years of being silenced. It may feel awkward at first, but repetition begins to rewire the brain.
4. Surround yourself with safe people. Healing is not meant to happen in isolation. Friends, support groups, and a skilled therapist can provide the validation and care you need. If someone minimizes your pain, it’s okay to step back. You deserve people who believe you.
5. Consider therapy designed for trauma recovery. Approaches like EMDR, or somatic therapies can be especially powerful in rewiring the brain after abuse.
6. Set boundaries without apology. Survivors of narcissistic abuse often feel guilty for saying no. Practice setting small boundaries first, like declining a call when you’re too tired. Over time, these small acts rebuild your confidence in your right to protect your peace.
What Healing Can Look Like
Healing is a gradual process, one that asks you to carry the truth of what happened while no longer letting it define you. It often begins with small moments of recognition where you begin to see clearly that the abuse was real, that your pain makes sense. Over time, healing becomes less about what you lost and more about what you can rebuild: the pieces of yourself that were quieted, overlooked, or dismissed.
Reclaiming those parts may feel slow at first, but each step brings you closer to wholeness. For one client, this looked like rediscovering her love of painting after years of being told her hobbies were a “waste of time.” For another, it meant being able to enjoy a quiet evening without the knot of anxiety in his stomach.
These victories may seem small from the outside, but they are enormous signs of transformation. They are proof that the fog is lifting.
How We Work With Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse
As therapists, we don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. Healing is personal. Our work with clients is rooted in creating a safe, warm, and non-judgmental space where you can speak freely without fear of being dismissed or minimized. We combine trauma-focused therapies like EMDR with compassionate, practical support.
Together, we work to help you:
- Recognize and untangle the patterns of abuse.
- Reconnect with your inner strength and resilience.
- Develop tools to calm your nervous system and rebuild trust in yourself.
Healing from narcissistic abuse includes remembering and reconnecting to who you already are: someone worthy of respect, love, and peace.
You Don’t Have To Do This Alone
If you’ve been wondering how long it takes to recover from narcissistic abuse, the answer is: as long as it takes you. But you don’t have to walk that path by yourself. The right support can make all the difference.
We offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to help you decide if working together might feel like the right step for you. Whether online in Texas, or in-person here in Houston,our goal is to provide a safe space for your healing journey. Together, we can help you move from confusion and pain toward clarity, strength, and the freedom you deserve.
