When you exchanged vows, you envisioned a lifelong partnership filled with love, support, and companionship. You believed that marriage would provide the safety and security to be your authentic self and always have someone to share your thoughts, feelings, and quiet moments with.
However, you may now find yourself experiencing a sense of isolation within your relationship. It can be challenging to put your finger on what’s going on – to pinpoint the root cause of this loneliness. You may be feeling uncertain about how to address these concerns and reconnect with your spouse.
This article explores the signs of marital loneliness and discusses steps you can take to understand and improve your relationship.
Signs You’re Experiencing Marriage Loneliness
If something feels off, and you’re asking yourself, “What in the world is happening to us?” you may be experiencing marital loneliness. But how can you be sure? A professional therapist will be able to give you a definitive answer, but before you head to a couples therapist, look for some signs of marriage loneliness.
Your Partner Doesn’t Talk to You
Sometimes, you aren’t able to talk about your day, your feelings, or even the weather. It can be confusing and troubling because, after all, “isn’t that the core of having a mate?” “Having your person there to talk and laugh with?” If you find your partner doesn’t want to have any kind of conversations with you, it’s certainly an added reason why you’re feeling lonely and isolated. A marriage without conversation – daily and deep – is a lonely one, which leads to the kind of disappointment you may be feeling every day.
Your Husband/Wife Finds Ways to Avoid Being With You
Is your spouse working late all the time? Does he/she make plans that do not include you? When you’re in the same room, is your partner reading a book, or scrolling through social media instead of interacting with you?
When your spouse regularly avoids spending quality time with you, it can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and create emotional distance in your marriage.
Sex is Non-Existent or Extremely Rare
Physical intimacy, including sexual interactions, is an essential component of a healthy romantic relationship. These moments of closeness help to strengthen emotional bonds and foster a sense of connection between partners. When there is a decline in physical intimacy or sex becomes rare or non-existent, feelings of loneliness may begin to surface.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that several factors may contribute to a lack of physical intimacy in a marriage. These could include stress, busy schedules, unresolved conflicts, or health concerns. To address this aspect of your relationship, consider having an open and honest conversation with your spouse about your feelings and concerns.
It may also be helpful to explore ways to rekindle the passion and prioritize intimacy in your relationship.
Experiencing Loneliness Despite Being in a Relationship
Feeling lonely while in a marriage can be incredibly disheartening. Despite being part of a couple, you may experience a deep sense of disconnection and isolation. It is crucial to acknowledge these feelings and recognize that though they’re not uncommon, they are painful.
Sadness and Depression Surrounding Your Marriage
If you find yourself feeling sad or depressed when thinking about your marriage, it may indicate loneliness within your relationship. The loss of joy and connection can leave you emotionally drained, and the emotional distance may continue to grow.
Anxiety About the Future of Your Marriage
Loneliness in a marriage can lead to anxiety about the future of your relationship. You may worry about the relationship’s survival or struggle to envision a positive path forward. This anxiety can stem from a lack of emotional security and connection, which only reinforces feelings of loneliness.
To address these concerns, it is crucial to open up to your partner about your fears and seek professional help if necessary. Do your best to be honest about what’s going on so that you can take the first steps in addressing the underlying issues in your relationship. By working together to reestablish emotional security, you can begin to alleviate anxiety and uncertainty about your marriage’s future.
Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also help you work through these feelings and strengthen your bond with your spouse.
How Your Marital Loneliness May Have Happened
How’d this happen to you? You guys were all about communication, laughing, enjoying one another’s company and lives. When did it go pear-shaped? Loss of communication and the feelings of loneliness can be the result of multiple things, or just one specific reason.
Work Pressures
Busy schedules can often create a stressful home environment. After working all day at a demanding job, the last thing both of you want is to talk about your day. You just want to eat dinner, veg out on the couch and go to bed. Talking and intimacy is pushed to the end of your “must-do” list.
Family Responsibilities
Juggling not just work, but also children, can take its toll on a marriage. You’re both busy:
- running the kids to activities
- making and eating dinner
- homework with the kids
- spending quality time with the kids
It’s difficult to find time to connect with your spouse, or partner. The relationship gets put on the back-burner and often forgotten about. And now, you’re wondering why you feel like you’re just roommates and no longer have a real connection, which makes one feel lonely in a marriage.
Unrealistic Expectations
You might feel lonely because you expect your spouse to fill all areas of your social needs. Not having outside friends to spend time with, and always depending on your partner to go to dinner, dancing, the movies, etc. isn’t realistic. However, if you expect them to fill all of these needs, you’re going to be disappointed, which leads to feeling like you’re “out here all alone.”
There are many other reasons you might feel relationship loneliness. Unless you explore your relationship and are willing to put it all out on the table – you’ll never know. A professional can help get to the root of what’s causing your marital loneliness.
How To Cope With Loneliness In Your Marriage Or Relationship
The first step to dealing with loneliness in marriage is to acknowledge it. Ignoring or burying your emotions will only deepen the disconnect between you and your partner. Take a moment to recognize how you’re feeling—whether it’s sadness, anxiety, or a sense of isolation.
By acknowledging the pain, you can start addressing it rather than letting it fester. Sometimes, just admitting to yourself that you’re feeling lonely in marriage is a powerful step forward.
Open and honest communication is key to bridging the gap between you and your spouse. While it might be difficult, sharing how you’re feeling can help bring the two of you back onto the same page.
Explain how loneliness is affecting you and express your concerns about the future of your relationship. Focus on using “I” statements, such as “I feel lonely,” to prevent your partner from becoming defensive. You’ll want to work together to restore the connection that once brought you closer, not point fingers and cast blame.
Spending intentional time together can help rebuild your emotional bond. Whether it’s scheduling regular date nights or simply taking a few minutes each day to check in with one another, making time for each other is essential for overcoming loneliness.
Try to reconnect over shared activities that you both enjoy, or even explore new hobbies together. The goal is to re-establish a sense of partnership and emotional intimacy, so you feel like you’re truly together, rather than just coexisting.
How Couples Counseling Can Help
Couples counseling can be incredibly helpful when loneliness within a marriage feels insurmountable. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, couples struggle to break down the emotional walls that have been built over time. A professional therapist can provide a neutral space for both partners to share their feelings and work through the underlying issues contributing to the loneliness.closer.
Counseling offers tools for improving communication, rebuilding trust, and rekindling emotional intimacy. By working with a counselor, you and your partner can learn how to cope with loneliness in a marriage by addressing it directly and proactively. Therapy can help shift the relationship dynamics and offer new perspectives, giving both of you the opportunity to heal and reconnect.
If you’re experiencing a lonely partnership, and you want to fix it, ask your partner to see a professional with you. A therapist or counselor can help both of you find the cause of the loneliness, assist in highlighting ways to get back to a true partnership where you both feel seen and heard, and experience the intimacy you once had. There is hope and I’m here to help.
