When you got married you never imagined you’d ever deal with marriage loneliness. You thought you’d be a team, and there would always be someone you could talk to about everything. Marriage is supposed to bring you safety and security. It’s a union that allows you to be yourself and always have someone who listens, or just holds your hand when you need to sit in silence.
What you’re dealing with now doesn’t feel right, and you can’t put your finger on what exactly is going on. Is it that you’re in a lonely partnership, or is it something else entirely? How can you start to suss out what’s happening within your marriage? What are the signs of marital loneliness?
Signs You’re Experiencing Marriage Loneliness
If something just feels off, and you’re asking yourself “what in the world is happening to us?”, you may be experiencing marital loneliness. But how can you be sure? A professional therapist will be able to give you a definitive answer, but before you head to a couples therapist, look for some signs of marriage loneliness.
Your Partner Doesn’t Talk to You
You aren’t able to talk about your day, your feelings, or even the weather? Isn’t that the core of having a mate? Having your person there to talk and laugh with? If you find your partner doesn’t want to have any kind of conversations with you, it’s probably why you feel lonely and isolated. A marriage without conversation – daily and deep – is a lonely one, which leads to that disappointment you’re feeling every day.
Your Husband/Wife Finds Ways to Avoid Being With You
Is your spouse working late all the time? Does he/she make plans that do not include you? When you are in the same room, is your partner reading a book, or scrolling through social media instead of interacting with you?
Doesn’t feel good to be together in the same room, yet you are really alone.
Sex is Non-Existent or Extremely Rare
A lack of physical intimacy and sex can eventually lead to the feeling of loneliness. Physical touch can satisfy our need for connection and therefore a lack of this can make you feel lonely in your relationship.
You FEEL Lonely
Simple, I know, but if you just feel like you are always alone regardless of being married or part of a couple, then you just feel like you aren’t part of anything and feel ALONE. It doesn’t get much worse than feeling alone when you’re in a relationship. The distance just increases and without help, it can end in the dissolution of your relationship.
How Your Marital Loneliness May Have Happened
How’d this happen to you? You guys were all about communicating, laughing, enjoying one another’s company and lives. When did it go pear-shaped? It can be the result of multiple things, or just one specific reason.
Work Pressures
Busy schedules can often create a stressful home environment. After working all day at a demanding job, the last thing both of you want is to talk about your day. You just want to eat dinner, veg out on the couch and go to bed. Talking and intimacy is pushed to the end of your “must-do” list.
Family Responsibilities
Juggling not just work, but also children, can take its toll on a marriage. You’re both busy:
- running the kids to activities
- making and eating dinner
- homework with the kids
- spending quality time with the kids
It’s difficult to find time to connect with your spouse, or partner. The relationship gets put on the backburner and often forgotten about. And now, you’re wondering why you feel like you’re just roommates and no longer have a real connection, which makes one feel lonely in a marriage.
Unrealistic Expectations
You might feel lonely because you expect your spouse to fill all areas of your social desires. Not having outside friends to spend time with, and always depending on your partner to go to dinner, dancing, the movies, etc. isn’t realistic. However, if you expect them to fill all of these needs, you’re going to be disappointed, which leads to feeling like you’re “out here all alone”.
There are many other reasons you might feel relationship loneliness. Unless you explore your relationship and are willing to put it all out on the table – you’ll never know. A professional can help get to the root of what’s causing your marital loneliness.
What to Do If You’re Experiencing a Lonely Partnership
If you’re experiencing a lonely partnership, and you want to fix it, ask your partner to see a professional with you. A therapist or counselor can help both of you find the cause of the loneliness, assist in highlighting ways to get back to a true partnership where you both feel seen and heard, and experience the intimacy you once had. There is hope and I’m here to help.
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