As emotionally draining as toxic relationships are, the impact on your mental and physical health can be equally significant. When you are in the habit of questioning your worth or feeling underappreciated because of your past relationship dynamics, it can seem daunting to move on and heal. You are not alone. Moving on and healing is one of the most difficult and courageous things you can do to have a happy and healthy future.
When you understand the signs of toxicity, you’ll be better able to take the next steps and rebuild your life.
What Is A Toxic Relationship?
You probably hear a lot of people toss the word “toxic” around when describing those they don’t like or want to be around. It’s a fair term but one that’s loaded and sometimes difficult to understand.
Essentially, being with someone toxic is to be subject to emotional, mental, or even physical harm. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but generally, toxic relationships involve patterns of manipulation, control, or dishonesty. You may not feel safe. You may feel unappreciated, unsupported, physically harmed, or fearful you’ll be hurt.
There may be constant lying and gaslighting. And, over time, this can wear on your mental, emotional, and physical health, increasing any anxiety or depressive symptoms or increasing the likelihood of physical manifestations of stress-related conditions.
Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Toxicity can look different for everyone, but there are some common signs to look out for.
1. Constant Criticism
Being constantly criticized and put down is exhausting. While feeling like nothing you do is good enough can wear on your self-esteem and self-confidence.
2. Manipulation and Gaslighting
Everyone has their own perception of reality. But, if you find yourself questioning your version of reality, what you remember, and your perception of what occurred, you’ll be filled with confusion and doubt. This is the experience of manipulation and being gaslit.
3. Control and Isolation
Being isolated from your family or friends the way a border collie corrals sheep, might make you feel as if you have no agency or control over your life. This sort of control could manifest in telling you what to say to your family, how to spend your money, or what to wear when you go out.
4. Lack of Respect
When you ask for your needs to be met but your requests are ignored or blatantly taken advantage of you’re experiencing a lack of respect for your boundaries. This repeated behavior can create resentments or fear between you and your partner.
5. Unequal Effort
Couples do complain about an unequal division of labor in the household or compare the amount of effort each person invests in the care of the relationship. But if you’re the one who’s consistently going above and beyond your partner, the relationship can feel one-sided and you may feel unappreciated.
Beginning to recognize these signs is the first step toward freeing yourself from the do-si-do dance of toxicity.
Steps To Moving On
After being manipulated or controlled, it’s truly difficult to leave a toxic dynamic. You may second guess yourself and wonder if you have the right or the ability to part ways. Here are a few necessary steps you can begin to take to start to reclaim your life.
1. Acknowledge and Accept the Toxicity
When you first recognize and identify that you may be in a toxic relationship, you may experience feelings of shame or guilt. You may continue criticizing yourself, not because it’s your fault, but because you’ve grown accustomed to being blamed. Others may be confused by your decision to leave.
Regardless, it is crucial to face the truth. Gaining clarity about what you’ve been living with will give you the strength to seek professional support, lean on friends and family, and count on yourself to take the next best steps for your health and well-being.
2. Seek Professional Support
You don’t have to do this all by yourself. A professional therapist can provide a non-judgmental space for you to peel away the layers of misunderstanding, faulty narratives, and confusing messages. You’ll be able to uncover the relationship patterns and develop coping strategies that work for you. For those in the Houston area or across Texas, Stefanie offers in-person and virtual therapy sessions.
As you go through therapy, you’ll be able to rebuild your self-esteem and self-confidence; areas that can be significantly affected in a toxic relationship.
3. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Yourself
After being with someone who couldn’t respect your needs and boundaries, it may be difficult to hold the line. However, this is essential to your recovery and healing. Unless there are children or assets between you and the toxic partner, it may be best to avoid any contact with them so you can heal completely.
If you share children, pets, or assets, stating and upholding those boundaries will be on your shoulders. Though it may be difficult to do so initially, as you become stronger, and more accustomed to feeling safe, recognize and celebrate that you’re becoming healthier.
Rebuilding After A Toxic Relationship
Once you’ve left the toxic relationship, you get to start over. Having supportive friends, a professional therapist, and focusing on the things that lift you up are all part of reclaiming yourself.
Focus on Your Healing
Know that healing takes time. There may be days when it feels like you’re not making any progress and other days that you feel like a new person. Recognize that every step and every day is different but trust you’re going in the right direction.
Surround Yourself with Support
Believe that you can surround yourself with people who are kind and supportive. Lean on people who uplift and encourage you, and know that you’re not alone.
Reflect on Past Patterns
Working with a therapist will help you uncover the reasons that may have drawn you to a toxic relationship in the first place. Understanding these patterns can prevent you from repeating them in future relationships.
Explore New Opportunities
Leaving a toxic relationship opens up space for new possibilities. Pursue hobbies, career goals, or passions you may have put on hold. These positive experiences can help you rebuild confidence and create a fulfilling, independent life.
Open Yourself to Healthy Relationships
When you’re ready, slowly allow yourself to step back into the dating world. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional support. Use your experiences to set standards and prioritize your well-being.
You Deserve A Fresh Start
Moving on from a toxic relationship is possible. Breaking free from toxicity will ask you to be courageous, but you don’t have to face it alone. Supportive therapy can guide you through the process of healing and creating a life filled with joy and fulfillment.
If you’re ready to take that first step, I’m here for you. Together, we’ll create a personalized plan to help you heal and move forward. Whether you prefer in-person counseling or virtual therapy, I am here to support you every step of the way.
Contact me today to schedule your first session. Your fresh start is waiting.
