From Stefanie Kuhn, LMFT – Couples Therapist in Houston & Across Texas
If you’re up at 2 a.m. searching “what to do if your marriage is in crisis,” there’s a good chance something inside you already knows: this isn’t just a rough patch. This is different. Maybe something big has happened, like infidelity or emotional betrayal. Maybe it’s been years of slow-growing distance, resentment, or silence. Either way, when your marriage feels like it’s falling apart, it’s hard to breathe, let alone think clearly.
I’ve worked with many couples and individuals across Texas who land in this place. It’s painful. It’s disorienting. And it brings up a million questions. But just because your marriage is in crisis doesn’t mean it’s beyond repair. A crisis doesn’t always mark the end. Sometimes it’s the beginning of something more honest and real.
Let’s talk about what that turning point can look like. We’ll walk through what steps to take, how to care for yourself, and how couples counseling might help you find your way forward, whether you stay together or part ways with clarity and respect.
How Do You Know When a Marriage Is in Crisis?
“Crisis” might sound dramatic, but often, it’s the only word that fits. You don’t have to be screaming at each other or sleeping in separate rooms for something to be seriously wrong. The signs can be subtle or loud.
Here are some of the patterns I see most often:
- Arguments that repeat but never resolve
- Emotional or physical withdrawal
- Broken trust, whether from an affair, secrecy, or repeated letdowns
- A noticeable loss of affection, intimacy, or shared interest
- Resentment that lingers beneath the surface
- Avoidance of tough conversations or of each other entirely
- Living more like roommates than romantic partners
If you’re recognizing your relationship in that list, the marriage is likely in crisis. Acknowledging that can be hard, but it’s also where healing begins.
Start by Taking Care of You
Before rushing to fix the relationship, stop and ground yourself. When emotions run high — fear, grief, guilt, anger — it’s easy to lash out, shut down, or react from a place of pain instead of clarity.
I always tell clients to slow down. Breathe. Give yourself space to understand what you’re feeling. Whether or not your partner is ready to do the work, your own emotional regulation is key.
Therapy can help you untangle what’s yours to carry. Sometimes the marriage isn’t just struggling, you are, too. Therapy gives you a place to explore what you want, what hurts, and what’s worth fighting for.
When You’re Ready, Consider Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is not a quick fix. It’s not a script or a checklist. But it is one of the most powerful tools we have when relationships are struggling.
In my practice, couples counseling creates a structured and neutral space to talk about what’s not working and why. Maybe you’re trying to recover after an affair. Maybe you feel more like co-parents than partners. Maybe you’re stuck in cycles of conflict, blame, or distance.
We’ll look at those patterns. We’ll learn how to interrupt them. And we’ll start practicing something new: real listening, honest communication, and rebuilding emotional safety.
I use approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method to guide this work. The goal is not just to stay together. It’s to create something meaningful and connected.
What If You’re the Only One Who Wants to Try?
This happens more often than people realize. One person wants to work on the marriage while the other seems checked out or unsure. Even if you’re the only one actively working, change is still possible.
When one partner begins to show up differently by listening with empathy, setting boundaries, taking accountability, the dynamic between you can shift. And even if the relationship doesn’t survive, you gain clarity, confidence, and the tools to move forward.
Can Every Marriage Be Saved?
Not every marriage can or should be saved. But I’ve worked with couples who walked into therapy convinced they were done, only to uncover a deeper connection beneath the pain. Others found peace and closure through the process of ending things with honesty and care.
Therapy doesn’t promise a specific outcome. It offers the space to understand what’s really going on so you can make choices that align with your values and your truth.
The Cost of Waiting
On average, couples wait six years before seeking help for serious issues. That’s six years of disconnection, misunderstanding, and emotional distance.
It’s easy to wait and hope things get better on their own. But silence doesn’t heal. Time doesn’t rebuild trust. Action does. That might mean reaching out to a therapist, starting a difficult conversation, or even just being honest with yourself.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to begin.
And If You Have Children?
When kids are involved, everything feels heavier. You’re trying to shield them from your pain while managing your own. But children pick up on everything — tension, silence, distance — even if nothing is said out loud.
Getting support isn’t just for you. It’s a way of modeling emotional honesty, repair, and resilience. Whether you stay together or not, therapy helps you show up for your children with intention.
You’re Not Alone in This
If your marriage is in crisis, there is help and there is hope. Whether you want to repair your relationship or figure out what’s next, I offer a warm, nonjudgmental space to begin that process.
I provide couples counseling in person in Houston and virtually for clients anywhere in Texas. If you’re not sure where to start, let’s talk. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
Your relationship matters. You matter. And you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
Schedule your consultation today
