Does Your Man Struggle Expressing Emotions?

Emotional avoidance is most definitely something we have all experienced in our lives, right? Even the most expressive and open people have experienced a desire to avoid emotions a few times because it was just easier than dealing with all that comes with sharing one’s feelings. However, some people make avoiding emotions their default setting. And by some people, I mean men. 

But why does this happen? The simple answer: more often than not, men are taught by society that emotions are meant for women, not men. They’re conditioned to believe sharing and showing emotions is weak and not meant for men. Men are strong, powerful, and this is only shown through emotions like anger. 

It’s no wonder many men struggle to express emotions that might show any vulnerability at all. Does your man struggle expressing emotions? Let’s learn more about men and emotions and you can help your man open up to you.

Men and Emotions

Men and emotions. What can I say? Many men grew up believing the only emotions acceptable for men to show to others were anger, surprise, amusement and maybe a couple of other “neutral” emotions. However, humans (men included) experience a wide range of emotions. 

Why do men grow up believing expressing emotions is a no-fly zone for them? Gender stereotypes and cultural norms. As much as we like to think toxic messages telling men that showing any kind of vulnerability is a sign of weakness are no longer circulating in the world – it’s not the case. 

Instead of expressing how they’re feeling, they avoid conversations and actions that could lead to sharing feelings and opening themselves up to societal repercussions. No man wants to be seen as anything less than strong, stoic and masculine. This leads to avoiding emotions.

Avoiding Emotions is Common Among Men

Crying? Men are conditioned to never do it. It’ll portray them as weak and girly. How many times do you hear your man’s friends tell him to “man up” and “don’t be such a princess” if your man shows the slightest inkling of pain, hurt, or sadness. It’s no wonder why they avoid expressing any kind of feelings other than impassive, calm indifference, right? They have basically two options: anger or numbness. 

What can we as their partners do to help them open up, and show what they’re feeling? 

How to Help a Man Express Emotions

A safe zone. Men need to feel they are safe from criticism, ridicule and having things thrown back in their faces. Men feel all the emotions women feel – but they don’t feel safe about expressing them in the same ways as a woman expresses them.

Women often cry to express grief. Men? It’s more acceptable for them to push all of those sad feelings into socially acceptable emotions: aggression and anger. Society wants dominant, strong and masculine men. In many men’s minds people around them are saying “please don’t cry or bring up deep feelings. It’s not how our society works. Stuff those feelings down and rage over minor inconveniences like the rest of the men do”.

If you want your man to open up and share with you so your relationship is healthier, balanced, and harmonious – let them know you’ll never mock them about their feelings. Give them a safe space where anything they share with you won’t be thrown back in their faces at a later time during an argument. 

Make it clear to your man that no matter what he says to you it will be kept between the two of you, even if you really want to share it with your bestie, or your mom. What he shares with you stays between the two of you, unless he chooses to share it with others. 

Just make him feel loved, accepted, and safe and continue to remind him that he’s always a man in your eyes. Sharing all the thoughts, desires, feelings, emotions, and dreams won’t negatively impact your view of him. It will, however, create an even stronger bond between the two of you and improve his mental health. 

Need My Assistance to Help Him With Emotional Avoidance

Sometimes therapy offers you the opportunity to learn ways to help someone important in your life. If you need assistance when it comes to helping a man express emotions, we can work on that together.

Stefanie Kuhn, LMFT Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

As a relationship expert, I work with individuals and couples who are going through difficult times, experiencing conflict in their relationship, or feeling stuck and unsure about how to handle the issues in their lives. I have openings in my practice and can see clients virtually across Texas or in person in Houston and the Clear Lake area. Please contact me to see if we're a good fit.

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