Intense emotions after an affair are absolutely akin to riding the most scary roller coaster ride at an amusement park. The one that takes you up higher than you’ve ever gone and either just drops straight down the other side, or glides down inducing excitement and awe. Then it shoots you forward only to drag you just as fast backwards with jerky movements that scare you to no end.
You never know what is going to happen around each bend or steep climb. Basically, it’s not a good time, it has you on edge and chaotic all the time. This is now your life day-in and day-out.
Never knowing what to expect and it instills fear, and uncertainty, much like your relationship after infidelity. How can anyone expect to ever get off the horrific ride? Can it be done? Yes. It takes a lot of work, commitment and desire to rebuild trust after infidelity.
The One Who Cheated: Building Trust After Affair
You cheated. You’ve told your partner about the infidelity. Accept that you broke someone’s trust. Don’t hide from it. Take ownership of what you did and accept that you need to deal with and accept the consequences. Apologize with a sincere apology and begin attempt re-building trust with your partner.
How can you start rebuilding trust between you and your partner:
- Sever ties with the person you had the affair with.
- Allow your partner to react in whatever way he or she needs to react after you’ve admitted the indiscretion.
- Accept your partner will be suspicious of everything you do, or say. Instead of being defensive, just be transparent with them. Lay out all your plans and who you’re spending your time with.
- Never pressure your partner to trust you and forgive you quickly. It takes time to heal and build trust.
- Be honest in everything you do. Follow through with promises, no matter how big or small.
- Reconnect with your partner – if they reject the attempts at emotional and physical connection, understand it’s normal, and give him or her space before attempting to reconnect again.
- Define your relationship rules. Your partner may now consider different things as cheating. Before he or she may have been okay with you flirting, but now, not so much. Set all of these rules up in order to avoid breaking trust again.
- Seek counseling as a couple, as well as individual therapy if necessary.
Doing all of these things may, or may not, help rebuild the trust in your relationship.
The Betrayed One: How to Trust Again
Infidelity causes trauma. Building trust back after a partner’s betrayal isn’t going to be easy. If it’s easy, you might not be healing from the trauma but rather ignoring it. Commit to healing and rebuilding trust if that’s what you feel is best for you. How can you do this?
- Tell your partner how you feel. All the pain, hurt, anger, and more. Get it all out so you can start rebuilding the trust from an honest place. Just stay clear of accusations.
- Never ignore the affair. It happened, and it should be acknowledged and worked through.
- Learn to trust yourself again. Someone you trusted took great lengths to lie and cheat. Never question if you could have done something different.
- Learn how to communicate effectively and often about your feelings, desires, needs, wants, and whatever else needs to be discussed.
- Find a good-fit counselor to help not just you as a couple, but also individually.
If you want to truly regain trust between you and your partner, it’s important to create safe spaces to communicate whether with your counselor / therapist, or when you’re on your own at home on a daily basis. Life is no longer black and white, but more grey, after an affair.
How to Trust Again
Spending time connecting emotionally and sexually may not feel natural at first, but as you let go of feelings of blame and contempt, it gets easier. Patience with yourself and your partner are the keys to creating trust again! It sounds daunting, and unachievable. However, working with an experienced therapist can make the entire trust rebuilding process go smoother for both the betrayed and betrayer.ping a man express emotions, we can work on that together.
Pingback:What's an Emotional Affair? | TherapyWorks: Texas