There isn’t a person on earth who thinks going through a divorce is easy. Your world is turned upside down – even if you’re the person asking for the divorce. The divorce process digs up a lot of emotions like sadness, anger, embarrassment, and even love and then brings them to the surface. Shoving those feelings away won’t make the divorce process easier, so learning how to cope with divorce may be the best way to save your sanity during this difficult time.
5 Tips for Coping with Divorce
Going through a divorce is emotionally similar to the grieving process. Why? Because you are losing something and the life transition taking place causes an emotional rollercoaster. Divorce can be messy, overwhelming, and exhausting. It’s also scary which is why coping can help you heal from your divorce because it prompts you to take care of and protect yourself throughout the process. There isn’t one special thing you can do to take the sting out of getting divorced but having a few tricks up your sleeve coupled with a plan of action can make the grieving process easier. So, here are five tips you can start implementing today that can make it easier to deal with a divorce.
Practice Self Compassion
When was the last time you cut yourself a little slack? When you practice self compassion, you aren’t giving yourself a “pass” on taking accountability for your actions. Instead, you’re giving yourself permission to not be so hard on yourself while going through this process.
Perspective is hard when you’re going through the stages of divorce but it’s important to remember that there were two of you in the relationship. When guilt and shame start to pop up in the process, remember that it took two of you to begin and end your relationship. Acknowledge the role you played and forgive yourself.
Discover New Hobbies and Interests
Sometimes divorce can cause more downtime in your life which can lead to feelings of depression but when you have more downtime, that means you can also find new hobbies to fill your time.
Activities that get the endorphins pumping (like sports and exercise) can also keep depression at bay and they are healthy ways to relieve frustration and stress. This is also a good time to try something new like the cooking class you always wanted to take or the vegetable garden you mapped out a few years ago.
Distractions don’t have to be all-encompassing, they can be something new to add into your routine or schedule that help you keep your mind off of the divorce process. Bonus: they can also be seen as self-care.
Invest in Self Care
When anyone writes about self care, they tend to give bland examples like getting your haircut or going for a massage. For many of us, those aren’t examples of self care – they fall into the “self maintenance” category. So, let’s define what self care is. According to the Self Care Federation, self care is the “practice of individuals looking after their own health using the knowledge and information available to them.” The World Health Organization defines it as “the ability of individuals…to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.”
Clear as mud, right?
Self care can be anything you do to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Research suggests that when you invest in self care, you have more positive health outcomes.
But, self care should also be something you enjoy doing. So think about those hobbies and interests mentioned earlier – they fall into the “self care” bucket. So does establishing a routine, eating healthy foods, enjoying nature, baking, spending time with friends and family, and being physically active. Remember: self care looks different for everyone but should lean more towards the healthier-side of things you enjoy doing, not just the indulgent-side.
Tap Into Your Support System
Anyone who has gone through a divorce will tell you that it’s emotionally taxing. They’d also tell you that you don’t have to suffer through your emotions alone. Lean on your closest friends and family members on your toughest days and when they ask how you’re doing, don’t answer “I’m fine” if you’re not.
You might feel like solitude is the best course of action but it’s not. Neither is stuffing your feelings down. Start tapping into your support network by making plans with people for dinner, hiking, coffee, or a catch up date. You could also use this opportunity to meet new people and create new connections with people who also partake in those new hobbies you’re going to embark on.
Bottom line: surround yourself with people who you enjoy being around because they’ll give you the space to vent and be vulnerable while also enjoying your company.
Try Therapy or Counseling
Even when a divorce is amicable, there are a whole slew of feelings like sadness and anger that you’ll experience. Keeping those emotions to yourself rather than processing them isn’t great for your mental health and trying divorce counseling or therapy may help you more.
Reaching out to a professional can help you through the divorce and post-divorce process. It can also help you grow as a person, which can make your next relationship stronger. Plus, if you are experiencing any anxiety or depression that worsens through your divorce, a therapist will be able to work with you on a solutions-based therapy to help you manage your symptoms.
Therapy is no longer just talking to someone about your feelings while they sit and listen. Sure, that’s part of it, but there’s more to it than that. When you find a great therapist, they can help you move from coping through your divorce to moving forward with your life with a renewed sense of purpose.
How Long Will You Cope with Divorce?
Going through a divorce is one of the hardest experiences a person can go through. Unfortunately, the short answer is there isn’t a set time for you to cope with divorce and move past it. Every situation is different. Plus, your feelings are involved which make it harder to predict when you’ll be ready to move on.
Since the length of time it takes to get divorced varies from situation to situation and the emotional baggage involved will be different for every couple, it’s impossible to pinpoint how long it’ll take for you to recover from your divorce. But, implementing any of the tips above can help you move onto the next chapter of your life in a healthier manner.
Moving Toward Healing After a Divorce
There is a difference between coping and healing. Coping is what we do to get through events and periods of time in our lives. Healing is what happens when we shift our thoughts, behaviors, and feelings about prior events so we’re not triggered when new (and similar) events occur. Coping is an important skill to have and it can help move you toward healing but it won’t complete the healing process because it just pushes you onward and doesn’t impact the long-term quality of your life.
Healing is a long, emotional journey and it can happen while you are coping. There isn’t a magic 8-ball that you can shake to help you along but you can partake in some of these healing strategies:
- Self-Compassion
- Gratitude Journaling
- Setting Boundaries
- Mindfulness
- Introspection
- Therapy
Are some of these coping strategies, too? Yes but they are done on a lighter level. But if healing strategies feel less accessible than coping strategies, it’s because they are meant to be incorporated into your daily life while doing the hard work of digging deep to improve yourself.
When your divorce feels overwhelming and you want to move toward healing, work with a counselor or therapist. They can help you stay on track as you move past coping and toward healing.
Heal from Your Divorce
Working through a divorce on your own can be hard. Make it less stressful by talking to a therapist. In Texas? Reach out today.
